I recently caught an episode of Louder With Crowder and laughed out loud at some of Andrew Cuomo’s (alleged) best pick-up lines. It got me thinking…what goes through the mind of a Bill Clinton or Harvey Weinstein? If I were a fly on the wall – – – and heard Cuomo talking over drinks (enjoy).
Can you believe some Democrats? I got White House written all over me. I got scandals. I got charisma. Hey, the ladies love me! I’m even working the interns just like Bill Clinton – and they got a problem with that?
Wait a minute, honey. I didn’t say we’re flying to Florida. I just said, ‘get in the limo and I’m gonna tampa wit you.’
Psst…wanna see the real nursing home death totals? They’re in the back of my limo.
If you’re free later we could grab some dinner and go unplug a couple ventilators. It’ll be our little secret. C’mon!
C’mon, guys. Ain’t no after-party like one in the Governor’s Mansion, baby. Because what happens in the mansion, stays in the mansion…except this one time a year ago….or maybe a couple times.
Yeah, I know my brother’s on CNN, but I’m the most trusted name in getting sick seniors out of hospitals and into my donor’s nursing homes on the hush-hush – and everybody profits. You gotta problem with that? I didn’t think so.
You wanna work for a governor who supports diversity, right? My last aide was a Cuomo-sexual, so you might wanna think about that. I’m just saying you gotta think about job security with all this pressure to cut government jobs.
You gotta hand it to Trump with the eye candy. Ivanka! Melania! They’re up here checking out the old man’s tent hospitals and I go badda-bing, badda-boom! The whole thing’s covered on Fox News live, when I get a call from the White House – and it’s him: ‘that a ventilator in your pocket or you just glad to see my wife?’ Is he bustin’ my balls or what?
And what’s up with Anna Ruch? I’m at a wedding and she’s checking me out. So, I walk up and grab her face like it’s a melon, look in her eyes and ask, ‘you look like you have a little Italian in you?’ She says ‘no, I don’t’ and all I ask was ‘would you like some?’ C’mon, that’s a one of my top pick-up lines. Kids these days.
That cry-baby Ron Kim, what’s he know about abusive language? Like I said, I wasn’t aggressive enough kicking down these crazy political theories… I shoulda sent in some teamsters to shut that wimp up. You want some abusive language? ‘Grab the cannoli and leave the gun.’
